The Trap of Comparison
Hello friends! As we move into the fall season, nature offers us a beautiful reminder of the importance of letting go. The trees shed their leaves, preparing for renewal in the months ahead. However, as the air turns crisp and the days grow shorter, and the Pumpkin Spice Lattes and photo ops come out, many of us feel an increased pull to compare ourselves to others. It’s as though the autumn transformation in nature prompts us to reflect on our own lives—sometimes in ways that feel more harsh than helpful.
For many of my clients, this season can trigger feelings of inadequacy or a heightened sense of pressure. As the year begins to wind down, the comparisons can creep in. Am I where I thought I’d be by now? Am I achieving enough? Why do others seem so much more fulfilled, accomplished, or content? The autumn months, with their focus on wrapping up and preparing for winter, can feel like a reminder of what’s “missing” in our own lives. But there’s a different way to approach this season, one rooted in self-acceptance and release, much like the trees that let go of their leaves.
The Psychological Impact of Comparison
Comparison is a natural tendency, but in our fast-paced, hyper-connected world, it often spirals into self-criticism. The more we look at others—through social media, at work, or even in our personal relationships—the more we tend to judge ourselves harshly. As we enter the reflective season of fall, this can lead to increased anxiety, feelings of failure, and low self-worth.
In therapy, I often help clients understand the deeper psychological effects of comparison. It can distort our thinking, creating a narrow focus on what we lack instead of what we have. Autumn, in all its splendor, can also be a time when the beauty of others’ accomplishments or lives feels especially magnified, while our own progress may seem small by comparison. But that’s because we’re often only seeing the final result, not the seasons of effort, failure, and growth that others have gone through to get there.
From a therapeutic perspective, comparison often reinforces negative thinking patterns, particularly “all-or-nothing thinking”. This is when we see others’ successes and quickly label ourselves as failures, without recognizing the complexity and uniqueness of our own paths. Autumn, with its emphasis on reflection, invites us to change this narrative.
The Lessons of Autumn: Letting Go of Comparison
Fall, with its vibrant colors and the shedding of leaves, is a reminder that release is part of the cycle of growth. Trees let go of what no longer serves them to conserve energy for the colder months, and we can learn from this process. As we move through this season, it’s worth reflecting on what comparisons, judgments, or self-imposed pressures we can let go of.
In therapy, one of the concepts I emphasize is radical acceptance. This involves accepting ourselves, and where we are on our journey, without the constant comparison to others. Autumn can be a time to practice this acceptance, to lean into the idea that your path is uniquely yours, just as each tree in the forest follows its own rhythm.
A helpful practice during this reflective season is gratitude journaling. Each day, take a moment to jot down one thing you’re grateful for—whether it’s an aspect of your personality, a small victory, or something simple that brought you joy. Gratitude helps shift the focus from what others have to what you possess. This not only reduces comparison but also cultivates a deeper sense of self-worth.
Embracing Your Unique Season of Growth
As the fall months pass, I encourage you to embrace this season of change with self-compassion. Just as trees shed their leaves to prepare for new growth, consider this time an opportunity to shed the habit of comparison. Reflect on the following questions: What am I holding onto that no longer serves me? What comparisons can I let go of? How can I honor where I am in my life, rather than focusing on where others are?
The beauty of autumn lies in its transition. It’s a reminder that life moves in cycles, and that there’s a time for release, reflection, and renewal. The pressure to be constantly “on” or “achieving” can feel overwhelming, but just as nature takes its time to rest and rejuvenate, so too should we. Comparison disrupts this natural flow, pulling us out of our own seasons of growth and into a race we never agreed to run.
Moving Forward with Intention
Fall offers us a powerful metaphor: it’s okay to slow down, to turn inward, and to trust your own process. Each of us has our own unique timeline, our own distinct path. The journey isn’t about keeping pace with others but about honoring the rhythm that’s right for you.
As you move through this autumn, take time to reflect, release, and renew. Resist the urge to compare your life to others’. Instead, trust that, like the trees preparing for winter, you are exactly where you need to be in your own season of growth. Let this be a time of self-compassion, mindful reflection, and the joy of embracing your own unique journey.
Want more chances to reflect this season? Tune in to my Instagram for more posts and conversations about all these topics and more!